a new 50

Having gotten this far through life I want to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for pretending it's your fault. It's never been anyone else's fault but mine - my inability to admit to my faults, my refusal to accept that times and people have changed, my misunderstanding of the way we act, and my longing for things to remain the same. It's not fair that I've been blaming others, I'm the one with the flawed personality, the one that needs an attitude adjustment, not anyone else. Everyone else is an angel, I just can't see that.

When everything around seems wrong, it is clear that it is no longer the things surrounding you that have caused it, but you have yourself. You've digged you way down to the core and there is no escaping. And when there is no way to escape, even feeble excuses won't be enough to bring you out. I think the only way out of this possible situation is a cleanse. You can definitely wash yourself out of a sticky situation - always, but it's hard. It requires so much effort of you that it might not even see worth the time. But I don't know what else to do. So I think I'm going to begin with the cleanse.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Everyone is flawed, there's no escaping that. Myself, I'm pretty terrible. I've too much pride, arrogance, confidence... aka I'm fucking full of myself. But I'm making an effort to change, and it's working. You can do it too.

Also, you write so beautifully - ever thought about being a writer?

Your 'angel'